The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
