Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
