I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
