ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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