You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
