This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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