I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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