well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
