dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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