Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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