Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
