I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
