dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
false alarm. still invincible.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Randomize
