My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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