On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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