We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is my gift to your gina
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
