dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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