Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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