god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
