Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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