He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
