dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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