I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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