Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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