she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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