I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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