I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
