You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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