you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
