Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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