If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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