I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
