Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
