He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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