I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My nipple is on Facebook.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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