So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
