so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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