We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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