Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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