last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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