I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
