OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
