i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
