your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
