I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
