fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
