Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
