Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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