I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I love having hate sex.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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