How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
