he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
