sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
