i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Im part way to drunk.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
