I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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