I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
