Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
