i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
false alarm, still single
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
