I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
